Friday, August 29, 2008

NW1 : The new world

I wanted to write about many weird things that I see and think , but was wondering about the best way to weave them all together.

To serve this purpose, in this article, and future ones, I shall refer to NW1 (New World 1) to my hypothetical New World. There are two basic rules that governs existence in NW1. I shall add more rules, if they are discovered to be fundamental in nature, otherwise, derivatives shall be documented as auxiliaries.

NW1 : Rule 0




NW2 : Rule 1 :Nothing is false

Rule of the thumb -

A dinosaur can see a frog eat an insect, and perceive it to be Angelina Jolie doing moon-walk with John F Kennedy. Both are equivalent, and equally true.

More on the terminology of NW1.


Origin :

When God made man, he first taught him how to do bubble sort. However, immediately after being created, man was very hungry , and did not listen to God explaining the sorting technique. God sensed that man's stomach was rumbling and placed before him the following articles, ordering him to choose one :

4)Hershey's chocolate
7)Lay's Chips

Man scratched his belly, and chose Lay's chips. God sighed,"You should'nt implement hash tables,without knowing which hash function you are using"


The origin of brand was laziness, but this is a well kept secret. The official, documented version is as follows :

" When God created man, he placed before him a set of seven nutritious items which would be beneficial to him in different ways : develop strength, improve intelligence, give pleasure, and reduce weight. Man decided to analyze the ratio of carbohydrates, proteins, iron, vitamin A,C , vitamin D, ,E in each of the items. After calculating the ratio, he made an estimate of the average use case of nutrition he would require (hunt, study, fight, talk). He then deduced that Lay's chips, with it's wonderful blend of nutrition, low-fat, no-carbs and wonderful taste would be the ideal article to help him live forever,meet the most beautiful women in the world, and create a sprawling empire across milky way galaxy "


Most common usage is in classifying the type of people one encounters in less than ten minutes.
In most cases, this turns out to be true ( NW1 :Rule 1)

Classification is binary -
(a) Mokkai
(b) Non-mokkai

Other chief use cases include

(i)Determining if a person "fits" a particular role , in a particular organization.
(ii)Determining. (Determining implies comparison, which in turn implies branding)



When God made Man, he had ten children. (There was no family planning in those days) . Man thought it would be wise to split up his house-hold chores, and gave each child a piece of paper, which outlined their broad responsibilities. However, his children being lazier and careless than him, kept losing the paper which described their roles, and started watching porn on the internet. Man, being sadistic, made his children sit inside a room for 22 years, and told them what he was seeing outside through the muddy,translucent glass window. His children got the message and never lost that paper again in their lifetime.


The official documented version is as follows :

"When God made man, man realized that God was a higher being, and obviously smarter. Man had to overcome the wild beasts of the jungle, and so started studying trigonometry, theory of relativity, quantum mechanics , and non-linear systems. God was impressed with man's effort, and gave a free ticket to heaven for the first five hundred people who could demonstrate some progress in each defined field. Such elevated group of people fell under the category "Educated", as opposed to "Uneducated"


Mostly used in un-armed combat. Educated people exhibit these peculiar traits :

(a) "Educated" people try to eliminate all the "Uneducated " people they can get hold of.
(b) "Educated" people try to eliminate "lesser" "Educated" people from their vicinity,and place of work
(c) "Educated" people have a tendency to get more "Educated"

Most zealous among them exhibit a zombie- like behaviour of a third-rate hollywood flick, in which the zombie goes about biting the necks of "normal " people, thereby converting them to zombies.

So much on the terminolgy. More on the actual stuff..soon to come!

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